Being exactly where I need to be.

From a first glance this week was kind of a wreck but things are okay and I’m feeling lucky and grateful above all else.

Wednesday was tough due to things not going how I had planned or hoped for. In addition, lately everything has felt so overwhelming. I think part of it all is due to the constant, underlying feeling that everything is about to change in the most massive way really soon (baby is getting biiigggg), but it’s impossible to know exactly how and what it will feel like until it happens. It’s like we are waiting on the edge of this chapter, knowing that it’s going to happen and that it will be the most wonderful, incredible, and difficult adventure we will ever have, but we don’t know when it will happen or what it will involve.

On Wednesday I kept thinking about how it was such a bad day, the worst day in a long time, and just everything stemming from it was so all-encompassing and negative. But in the evening, I was so lucky. I was driving down a very pretty stretch of highway to pick Cameron up from the train and a beautiful song came on the radio and the surrounding farmland and evening light was gorgeous. It hit me that this could be one of the best days. That all of the unplanned things happening that seemed so unbearable and unfair and wrong, could actually be exactly what I need. To teach me to be more assertive, to stand up for myself, and to trust in the process of brighter things heading our way. To keep going and to keep doing all the difficult things – that this is exactly where I’m meant to be. Perhaps, this is exactly what needs to happen to make room for something better.

And this small, little understanding was such a blessing. Because although it doesn’t change the situation, it definitely makes it into something much brighter. And that’s something that is much easier to cope with.

So all in all, this week has been a good one. Feeling so very lucky.

+ Getting such sweet, thoughtful, and kind words and calls from friends and family. Little messages that make my day and make me smile so big.

+ Stumbling across Tony Anderson’s music and feeling like it’s exactly what I needed. It’s lovely to have in the background while I work.

+ Having a beaut of a Valentine’s Day with the apple of my eye! Because it’s so close to our wedding anniversary, we just wanted to celebrate in a low key way. So this looked like a good movie and cute chocolates and just simply being together. The best, most easy thing.

+ Saturday saw our beautiful dog Ruby arriving down to live with us permanently! My family got her for me when I was 16 and going through a rough patch. She was a lifesaver, truly. She stayed living with my family once I moved out because we were never in a rental situation that allowed pets. But we are finally able to have her live with us and we are so over the moon! Our little family is slowly arriving in all the ways and we are so thankful. Pets are so good for the soul.

+ Board games, always.

+ More work on our home. Painting and gardening and priming things. So very gradually things are coming together and it’s a great feeling.

+ Beautiful words to ruminate on. It’s crazy how exactly what we need to hear can appear at the right time. Morgan Harper Nichols – a legend. Her words have a funny way of always helping. Of always spreading hope.

Lots of love and hugs,

Kaitlyn.

A sweet, ordinary weekend.

A sweet, ordinary weekend that was so, so good. A perfect example to teach me that not everything needs to be going perfectly (it never will, and learning to live well in that discomfort is good), but there are certainly still beautiful things if I just open myself to seeing them.

+ A ruthless game of game of thrones themed monopoly that was the fastest we have ever played because everyone apart from Cameron (he is the monopoly king, somehow – I’ve never seen him lose) lost miserably and very quickly. It made me so thankful for old friends and new because board games are one of our favorite things to do and it makes us so happy to play. We love board games with our friends and family down here, but we also miss our board game nights with our dear friends and family back where we used to live. But that’s okay, we have plans for board games with them in a few months time!

+ The most beautiful plums! They are deep red and bright yellow, and they taste exactly like summer.

+ Calm, unwinding evenings with Fleetwood Mac, a good game of gin, and the soft, summer air.

+ Finding out that our baby is “long and lanky”, just like her Dad, and that she is positioned head down and facing the right way, so everything is looking like it’s heading towards going smoothly.

+ Beginning our very long list of house renovations! We began priming and painting some exterior parts and so far it’s going well. Despite me accidentally painting the driveway and Cameron the carpet, all things are good! The colour we chose for outside is called Tricky so we are really hoping that the name isn’t a prophecy of the renovation process, though if it is, I guess that’s all just part of it!

+ Feeling so, so loved and cared for. Pregnancy has really been taking its toll on me lately and this doesn’t really mix well with my must-do-everything nature. Cameron has been I. N. C. R. E. D. I. B. L. E. to put it lightly. He takes care of me so well and makes me take care of myself, despite how awful and useless I feel because of it. Thinking about how amazing he is makes me get all goosebumpy and want to cry all the happy tears all at once. To put it very lightly, I am so thankful for him and I can’t find the words to describe how much so (but my rambles can certainly try)!

To anyone reading this, I hope that there have been plenty of beautiful, little sparks that have been glistening in your days!

Lots of love and hugs,

Kaitlyn.

730 days.

My wildest dream come true. You! Four years ago the universe did some crazy magic and we somehow ended up working together. Scrubbing mirrors till late every night, leaving each other little notes by the microwave, going on late night drives in Nancy. And then two years ago a little bit more magic happened and I got to be the luckiest person ever. Saying I do to you. You have changed my life in every possible way and every day I still pinch myself checking that you’re real. We laugh and cry and argue and do all the normal human things, but there is truly no one else I would rather debate with about which way the ironing board goes. You make every single day special and radiant, and my goodness I love you Cameron. You are my best friend, my favorite human, and the most radiant, loving, generous, and funny person I know. I am so excited about how much more “you” that you will become next month when you’re a Dad. Here’s to a lifetime of celebrations and to a love that keeps on growing.

A touch of magic.

He told me that there was a surprise planned a few weeks ago. First it was to go see a statue, then an early morning walk, then to visit Ellen Degeneres. But then we ended up at the airport with my lovely sister and mother-in-law and I was more confused than ever. We got on a plane, saw my parents at the arrivals lounge, and went to their house. There were beautiful streamers and lanterns everywhere and it looked like magic. I had decided not to have a baby shower months earlier because too many of the people I love and miss dearly were too far away to attend. But here we were. The most magnificent surprise. My husband, my rock, the soon-to-be dad, planned and organized the most incredible, light-filled day. My parents hosted this gorgeous event and my mum worked so, so hard to make it look and feel like a dream. My sister and mother-in-law traveled all the way up to be with us in this most special day. To be surrounded by everyone who I cannot put into words how much they mean was. The. Best. I kept welling up because of how thankful I am that us and our daughter have the most incredible family and friends. I am so, so grateful. And I can’t believe that this dream isn’t just a dream. Feeling all the loving and living in awe.

Good days are made.

Lately, I had been feeling so frustrated and exhausted. Just due to general life things, really. The waiting games, the normal discomfort of growing a little human, the tiresome everyday things weighing me down.

On an ordinary Tuesday, the phrase “good days are made,” popped into my head.

I don’t know where it came from or how it arrived, but wow. I am grateful. It changed my week, truly, as cliche as that is.

I’m learning is that big joys and little joys are all the same really.

The big joys are marrying your best friend, finding out you’ve got the sweetest little human coming along, graduating, new jobs, homes, and love, and love, and love again. Big joys are beautiful. How could they be anything but?

We can’t wait around for the big joys, though, because their very nature makes them big and rare.

But we can find the small joys in every day. These minute, insignificant moments every day that actually become something special because they are every day. The moments we can choose to notice or not. The moments that linger and exist and are so very ordinary. But who said that ordinary can’t be special?

They are cooking dinner and laughing with your soulmate. Looking for the brightest flower hanging over the fence and spotting a tiny spider inside. Getting the washing off the line and it’s all warm and sun-kissed. Having dinner with friends or family. Board games, movies, walks. Eating the sweetest nectarine. Having a planner and a routine that makes you feel good. A hilarious, silly, sweet dog. The color of the leaves out the window. The way the light hits the kitchen at 7am.

At the very foundation, it’s gratitude. Again and again.

Because things will change in all the ways.

But today, I am exactly where I need to be.

I have my soulmate by my side. He calls me from his work and we talk about things. Boring things, happy things, exciting things, sad things. Ordinary conversations that make me realize it’s so dang wonderful that I get to be his human.

I feel our baby move and squirm all day long. Soon all the morning sickness and discomfort will be a distant memory and nothing compared to the immense feeling of holding her in our arms.

These past few days have been so, so wonderful. Nothing extraordinary happened, but I feel productive, joyful, and content. And so, so very blessed.

Good days are made. This life isn’t perfect but I’m sure as hell fighting to make it a good one.