I have so many words that I want to say, but I do not know how to pour them out.
I feel as though they used to flow effortlessly, a tangent, a whirlwind of letters and vocabulary that represented the storms of my mind.
And now they feel stuck.
There are ideas, memories, song lyrics, and love notes inched toward the front of my brain.
But I am afraid of being vulnerable.
And I am afraid of being lost where everything was once so familiar.
Perhaps I am just out of practice, of letting these thoughts out freely to strangers.
Perhaps I am practicing the expression of these through my lips instead.
– For when my lips could not speak, these words could do it for me –
I want to write about my husband. His beautiful, kind soul.
I want to write about love. About how it grows and changes over time. About how love is work and how love is everything.
I want to write about our child. About her indescribable soul who we feel as though we already know. And about how we know that we have no idea how much we are able to love her just yet.
I want to write about people that I know. Because they fill me with awe and gratitude and things that I do not know what to call.
I want to write about what is not seen from the outside. About how we have no idea what we are doing or how we got here.
About everything that has created this path and how we found ourselves together in it.
We are only wandering, really.
I want to write about this period of change. About growth. The absolute, pure, discomfort of it.
And the surprising strength that can be found within these mountains.
About how everything we have ever dreamt of is “over there” and we are “over here”.
And my god, that space in the middle is terrifying. But necessary.
Since starting to write professionally full-time, I feel as though my creativity has become stuck in a way. I feel confident in writing reports, instructions, and directions from A-Z, where everything is straightforward and without emotion. Having that golden freedom that makes writing feel limitless and without bounds? That is what I miss. I know that what you focus on grows and what you pour your energy into expands. I just need to create space to practice this outlet once again.