Water and living.

Let’s begin with the truth.

The self-care task for today didn’t go quite as planned. 

Day 2 – drink at least 2L of water.

I definitely didn’t manage to drink 2L of water today. Perhaps only about half, at a stretch? However, all those little droplets that didn’t make it into the perfect 2L don’t really matter.

I’m trying to believe that what matters is that I’m trying. That what matters is the work and effort we put in, rather than gaining the idealised, planned end result.

Something that I’m realising far sooner than I expected into these 30 days of self-care, is that it’s as much about banishing the idea of perfection, as it is about self-care. I was hoping to complete all 30 days perfectly, but that is wishful thinking. I guess that learning to accept imperfection as good and right, is a form of self-care in a way.

A few years ago, in the depths of the eating disorder, the monstrous voice in my head (which is also my own voice; it’s tricky to explain) made me severely limited my hydration. I made up rules about much water I was allowed to drink, and at what time, and it was incredibly harmful. The fear of the water “sticking” in my body, and never leaving, was overwhelming and intense. I never want to go back to that place.

During this time, I was alive, but I wasn’t living. I was on the brink, on the edge of living, and I wanted so badly to not be alive. I starved myself of water, energy and nutrients, and these were the darkest, most isolated years of my life.

Having not enough water is disastrous for both the mind and body. Our bodies are composed mainly of water, and each of our cells relies on it to function. Essentially, water is necessary for all that we do, and without it we cannot be who we are. We wouldn’t be, at all.

Today, water helps me to survive in more ways than one. Not only does drinking an adequate amount help me to live and recover, but also water in other forms has proved more healing than I ever could have expected. Swimming, the rain, the little creek running by our house; it all helps to replenish and radiate peace.

A little message to everyone reading this – please take care of yourself today. Drink water, eat, sleep, go outside, talk to someone. All these little things can make a massive difference. You deserve to not merely survive, but to live too.

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